Having some time to myself to rest and refocus has given me a renewed prospective. Sitting still helps. Listening is useful too. The older I get the more I realize that as much as you think you know, you really don't know anything. I'm o.k. with that .However, when one is trying to plan ahead it can be dicey. I so desperately want everything figured out but at the same time I am in no hurry to make that happen. I find that when I just wait a few minutes, or an hour or a day, something else comes along to show me that there is a grander picture. I am grateful for that wisdom and now the trick is to remember it!
There is a wonderful rhythm to life when summer begins to happen.At first my unstructured time feels awkward and disorienting but then it becomes a flowing experience that I was unable to have while working each day. Partly because I was on the clock and mostly because I had no energy for much else. I have been through so many changes in the past few years all of which have led me to my new life; I can't help but feel the strong pull of familiarity that only what you knew before can give. I have moments of flashbacks of my old life some happy some devastatingly sad and some I wish I could forget. The key word here being old.
So there it is the cycle. New to old to new to old and on and on. I have been working with loss and change and new for some time now. It tends to be a little exhausting but at the same time freeing. Just when I feel overwhelmed with sadness I then am reminded of happiness. It is how it flows. This week is a tough one for me as I remember my dear love John and all that he endured at the end of his life. He would be happy to know that one of my new friends is going to have a baby soon. He loved children and they always thought he was Santa Claus! Life cycles on.